Another week of choices and change,
This week is about the Heroes Journey, when I started this program I was being called to take the HJ. 17 weeks later I find myself having to make another choice. Do I keep going and fully accept the journey and finish the journey or do I quit, and go back to the same safe life I was living before?
I decided to continue with the HJ. It was suggested that I write down all the old thinking, and old habits that no longer serve me. Then, take that stuff written down and burn it. Have a funeral for my old self, let that person pass and let the new come alive within you.
I did this ceremony last week, at the beach in Northern California. My wife and I drove to the beach, it was raining the whole way. When we arrived it stopped and the skies cleared. It was a beautiful cool day in Point Reyes. We were hoping to see some Grey Whales running but we did not. We made a small fire on the beach and we sat there reading my obituary. I proceeded with a eulogy, for the old me, It went something like this. The old me was a strong loving hard working person.I knew that he was always willing to help and give of his time and energy, an I loved him for that. What I did not know about him was that he gave to much, he did not have balance in his life, he put other peoples needs in front of his own. He always needed approval from others and lacked self confidence, even though he knew he could do anything, his mind chatter always put doubts in his head. When I was talking about him it made me sad to think of him in this way. I took the paper balled it up tightly and placed it in the fire, I had a sense of joy for him watching it burn. I know that I am growing into the person that you have always been, but just did not see it. Today, I see… I am excited for me to take on the next leg of the HJ. After the ceremony I was gathering our things, and I looked up, and on the wall there was this smiley face that was carved into the sandy bank. I took a picture of it, so I could be reminded of this day, whenever I might miss my old friend.